So I saw Black Swan the other day with SO.
Great date movie, lots of sexy, scary, and weepy here. If you're by yourself, then laugh at the cheese, the dopplebraunschweiger, and the double helping of cliche. Portman is left alone in front of a camera a few times and the results are bold and satisfying, like a fresh hummus. Why don't directors do this more often? I haven't had breakfast.
Looking for brain food? You're better off with Helen Mirren, whose brain, the zombies tell me, is finely grained but hard to swallow, like a delicate caviar.
Speaking of zombies, check out this cover of Jacko's "Beat it" by a man called Richard "Dick" Cheese. He helps me live a better you. I guarantee it.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
You say Necromancy like it's a bad thing...
Arise, blog from the pit! Arise and look upon this day, nearly a year since I required your services last. Today I have a new task for you. You will dazzle my enemies, entertain my friends, and hear my secrets. All my secrets but one: my name. A cohort of mine has informed me that dudes get their asses thrown in jail for shit they done bloggity-blog. So you must accept the cover of my nom de plume, Capitan Poco, at least for now. You will find that I am a goodly Capitan, though somewhat lacking in stature, and will steer you into the calmer waters of the seas of Intertube.
Avast me hearties, and what have we here? A siren from the deeps we've dredged, who tells us strange and terrible things about doodling in math class. Of course, we've all doodled in math class. But did you ever know that you were doing it wrong? Ye heard it here first me matey, that a true blood doodles in math class.... about math!
Shiver me timbers! The... timbers be shivering! We've run aground on an island! Well, the ship's done for, best be planning to stay here for a while. And it's a good thing too, because if that Dutchman's charts are worth their salt, we've landed in the Minecraft archipelago. But best not be worrying! I was marooned here for a full week last September, and let me tell thee, it was quite a time. The isle hath within it all the necessities of life, and then some but be sure to look at Old Man Wiki's advice on survival. With him by yer side, ye can't go wrong. Unless a zombie eats you.
Well, I've half a mind to join you, my lad, but urgent matters call me to the mainland. Bon chance! We shall meet again when the wind is right.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
D&D 4e: Long Combats
Lengthy combats are generally regarded as the scourge of 4e games. Defense values and HP totals are high across the board, and the chance that any encounter can be over in less than an hour are slim. Most players and DMs see this as a "bug" and it remains one of the most commonly discussed issues on forum boards. That said, I believe long combat is what makes 4e the best D&D ruleset to date. It lets both players and DMs relax, and focus on whats important: shooting the breeze with your friends.
Combat lets DMs relax. Overland exploration, roleplaying confrontations, and urban adventures require the DM to improvise contant almost by default. And improvisation, creating content for players at the drop of a hat, is hard work. It is among the most demanding skills required of DMs, and the hardest to master. Combat, on the other hand, requires comparatively little improv. The possible interactions of player and environment are naturally limited to whatever the DM has decided to include in a particular encounter. Improv is still required to a degree, but not nearly as much as, say, "in character" conversation demands. In fact, if the DM plans it right, the only thing he needs to keep track of during play is declining HP totals.
Players have an easier time of it as well, as long as the game is locked in combat. Nobody is forcing them to talk with a funny accent, consider their character's motivations, or even have a decent interest in tactics. 4e characters are so shockingly durable that little short of suicidal behavior has any chance of getting you killed. This creates a safety net. Players can relax and just chat. Which is why people play D&D in the first place, isn't it?
People don't come for the thrilling story, dastardly villains, or even the treasure. They can get all that playing WoW or reading fantasy lit. They certainly don't come for the monsters, or the overwrought lore. 4e combat is long and uneventful because good conversation doesn't happen when everyone is gazing intently at to-hit bonuses and die rolls all night. It happens when you're stuck killing 5 goblins over the course of an hour and have nothing better to do than shoot the breeze with your fellow geeks.
Combat lets DMs relax. Overland exploration, roleplaying confrontations, and urban adventures require the DM to improvise contant almost by default. And improvisation, creating content for players at the drop of a hat, is hard work. It is among the most demanding skills required of DMs, and the hardest to master. Combat, on the other hand, requires comparatively little improv. The possible interactions of player and environment are naturally limited to whatever the DM has decided to include in a particular encounter. Improv is still required to a degree, but not nearly as much as, say, "in character" conversation demands. In fact, if the DM plans it right, the only thing he needs to keep track of during play is declining HP totals.
Players have an easier time of it as well, as long as the game is locked in combat. Nobody is forcing them to talk with a funny accent, consider their character's motivations, or even have a decent interest in tactics. 4e characters are so shockingly durable that little short of suicidal behavior has any chance of getting you killed. This creates a safety net. Players can relax and just chat. Which is why people play D&D in the first place, isn't it?
People don't come for the thrilling story, dastardly villains, or even the treasure. They can get all that playing WoW or reading fantasy lit. They certainly don't come for the monsters, or the overwrought lore. 4e combat is long and uneventful because good conversation doesn't happen when everyone is gazing intently at to-hit bonuses and die rolls all night. It happens when you're stuck killing 5 goblins over the course of an hour and have nothing better to do than shoot the breeze with your fellow geeks.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Movie Review: Hunger
Hunger is one of those European movies. You know the ones. The ones were you have a continuous shot for 5 minutes of a guy cleaning a hallway. Or two people talking. And the camera never moves. Some might call it pretentious, and though it certainly is, it also creates a kind of contemplative reverence which is quite the thing if you're in the mood. But I should start at the beginning.
Hunger is about some hunger strikes in an Irish gaol a while back. Or at least so the backstory filled in at the end will have you believe. Of course, the politics take a backseat to the director's obvious fascination with what "the human spirit" is. Essentially, he's giving us the same kind of prisoner abuse scenes that we've seen dozens of times, in the Ministry of Love as well as Over the Cuckoo's Nest and on the Green Mile as much as at Shawshank. The difference here, and it is a big one, is that it is the prison guards who have their will broken. The prisoners are one huge, monolithic band of Jesus lookalikes, and their solidarity with one another, and incredible willingness to work together, are what push many of their captors over the brink. However, this is no comic caper. Despite the director being called Steve McQueen, this is not The Great Escape. There are no harebrained schemes, no crazy plots, and certainly not the kind of smug triumphs that Andy Dufresne could hold over his stuffy old prison warden.
Rather, by basing his story on actual events, and sticking close both to these events and stark, gritty reality, McQueen makes us believe in his vision.
He shows us a prison not overrun with sadistic guards and psycho wardens, but full of regular people who visit their mothers, have a hard time hurting one another unless in fits of anger or pain, and find a refuge and strength in the kind of monastic existence that gaol requires. There is an especially touching scene with a fly. For perhaps as much as two minutes, a prisoner plays gently with a fly on a grating. Your first impulse is perhaps he will eat it, or some other madcap thing will happen. This must be a setup, right? But no. He plays with it, gently trying to coax it onto his hand, for nothing more than to feel the touch of another living creature. This isn't madness or some kind of sensory-deprivation symptom. Everyone has looked at flies at one time or another with interest, however slight. McQueen's movie is not about explosions and explosive sex. Rather, it finds wonder in the things that, for most of us, have long ago faded into the grey blur. Watch Hunger when you're stressed out and overexcited.
Hunger is about some hunger strikes in an Irish gaol a while back. Or at least so the backstory filled in at the end will have you believe. Of course, the politics take a backseat to the director's obvious fascination with what "the human spirit" is. Essentially, he's giving us the same kind of prisoner abuse scenes that we've seen dozens of times, in the Ministry of Love as well as Over the Cuckoo's Nest and on the Green Mile as much as at Shawshank. The difference here, and it is a big one, is that it is the prison guards who have their will broken. The prisoners are one huge, monolithic band of Jesus lookalikes, and their solidarity with one another, and incredible willingness to work together, are what push many of their captors over the brink. However, this is no comic caper. Despite the director being called Steve McQueen, this is not The Great Escape. There are no harebrained schemes, no crazy plots, and certainly not the kind of smug triumphs that Andy Dufresne could hold over his stuffy old prison warden.
Rather, by basing his story on actual events, and sticking close both to these events and stark, gritty reality, McQueen makes us believe in his vision.
He shows us a prison not overrun with sadistic guards and psycho wardens, but full of regular people who visit their mothers, have a hard time hurting one another unless in fits of anger or pain, and find a refuge and strength in the kind of monastic existence that gaol requires. There is an especially touching scene with a fly. For perhaps as much as two minutes, a prisoner plays gently with a fly on a grating. Your first impulse is perhaps he will eat it, or some other madcap thing will happen. This must be a setup, right? But no. He plays with it, gently trying to coax it onto his hand, for nothing more than to feel the touch of another living creature. This isn't madness or some kind of sensory-deprivation symptom. Everyone has looked at flies at one time or another with interest, however slight. McQueen's movie is not about explosions and explosive sex. Rather, it finds wonder in the things that, for most of us, have long ago faded into the grey blur. Watch Hunger when you're stressed out and overexcited.
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